all thai’d up in bangkok
M A R C H 1 0 , 2 0 0 9
maddi + daddy // floating market, bangkok
we’ve arrived in the crazy, upside down world of bangkok!
full of excitement and ready for adventure.
once again, we sing missy’s praises!! (pat’s sister) for setting us up with a luxury homebase to return to after each day’s dirty, sweaty, exhausting adventures. we stayed at le meridien bangkok, a sophisticated glass hotel overlooking the famous patpong district.
we dove right in…
day one -- the day of indulgence
malls | indian food | patpong
we started our day off right with early morning exercise in our much-appreciated hotel gym -- exercise and relaxation by the rooftop pool.
pat’s old friend ryan gave us some great recommendations (he lived in thailand for 6 months) and we went to explore a nearby knock-off mall called MBK where you have 6+ floors of vendors to haggle with, and a food court similar to “food life” in chicago, but with more authentic thai tastes and a much wider variety.
as in true kohlhagen fashion, the first thing we did was explore the local public transporation (something we try and do in every city we visit). in thailand it’s the “sky train” -- which was incredibly intuitive and took no time at all to fall in love with (plus Mad loved inserting the coins and pulling out the tickets).
at the mall we enjoyed 4 entrees and 3 drinks for US $8, then we returned to our hotel to take naps and an afternoon dip in the pool. we decided to go out to indian food for dinner, so we caught a tuk-tuk and headed for the sukhumvit area (soi 3 in particular – thanks ryan!). we had some of the best al fresco Indian ever in an adorable little cafe.
since patpong was on our way home from the sky train stop, we decided to walk along the strip with mad to get some pictures and browse the markets. not the most appropriate place to bring a 4 year old, but hey, when in bangkok.
we ended our first day feeling full, and had the best nights sleep in a long time.
day two -- the day of immersion
thai food court | thai babysitter | thai boxing | pat & jess vs. thai mama-san
we started slow tuesday morning. pat and i got some work done and visited the pool again, but come time for lunch and we were out exploring more of our neighborhood – the business district of bangkok.
we stumbled upon an utterly amazing thai food court under a giant tent (where the local business people ate during lunch break) and decided to venture inside. for a total of US$3 (and many stares) we got an authentic and mostly delicious thai lunch and accomplished our mission to experience dining in a genuinely thai atmosphere (meaning no tourists, no westerners, just us and hundreds of thai people).
we went back to the hotel to nap, shower and get ready for the night.
one fantastic thing about the thai culture is that they love children. men and women alike talk to maddi, ask her questions, pinch her cheeks in the streets, grab her arms and try to cuddle her – it’s a nonstop spoiling fest for her, and she loves it. so this made it particularly easy for us to commit to leaving her with a hotel babysitter for the night so that we could have some alone time in one of the funnest, sexiest cities we’ve ever been to.
we were a bit nervous simply because we didn’t know the woman, but we knew that she had credentials since she worked in the nursery of the hospital across the street, and babysat through the hotel many times. we were also assured by the fact that the hotel was completely liable and would never recommend someone who hadn’t proven successful with children in the past. plus maddi was excited after a totally positive, wonderful babysitting experience she had in bali.
at 19:00 any anxieties we had completely diminished when we met amrat -- a kind, gentle, english-speaking thai woman who mad immediately took to (running up to her in the lobby and giving her a giant hug, welcoming her into the elevator and showing her all the toys in our hotel room). we explained the nighttime routine, gave kisses to our totally distracted, excited daughter, and left completely thrilled for what our evening had in store.
we found ourselves wandering the patpong distict (on our way to the subway to lumphini stadium, where our thai boxing event was taking place) and had a sudden overwhelming urge to drown ourselves in a bowl of hot, red curry. patpong street 2 caught our eye with its flashy canopy of string lights and romantic style. it wasn’t until we sat down at our chosen eatery that we noticed we weren’t being waited on by a single person – we were being waited on by 20 people in pink cutoff tees. The ratio of staff to customer was 5:1. as we continued on our dining escapade (while sipping our margaritas) we realized that I was the only woman on the entire strip, and that all 20 servers were men. it was when we witnessed our waiter prancing toward us, toting a basket on his forearm like dorothy from the wizard of oz, that we realized we had parked ourselves on a gay strip. absolutely fabulous. we had one of those remember-for-the-rest-of-your-life, light-us-up conversations that left us buzzing together for the remainder of the night.
then we were off for the night’s main event – thai boxing at lumphini stadium. we took the subway to lumphini and walked the rest of the way to the stadium where we flashed the VIP passes our hotel had provided and stationed ourselves in the back row of the section of westerners. at first there was some confusion about the beer -- no one around us had any and there were no vendors in sight. we went on a hunt for some singha, and settled in for a fun evening.
after watching a few of the headline matches, we ventured to patpong to experience some of the infamous thai nightlife.
there were 3 rules we knew about Patpong nightlife:
1- always negotiate pricing up front
2- stay on the main strip – there’s no telling where you might end up if you let someone lead you astray
3- keep an open mind and anticipate a spectacle
we walked the strip once to get a feel for our options. we passed strip clubs, men with sex-show menus, markets and bars. we ended up following some random dude up a sketchy 3-story stairwell where a creaky wooden door opened into a hole-in-the-wall top floor bar with a small stage where 5-6 women were lazily dancing. we decided to enter for 2 reasons: 1 – our delivery boy promised us that our total fee would be 100 baht per drink (and we confirmed this with the bartender and waitress) and 2 – there was another group of 6 europeans in the corner, so it appeared to be a legitimate place, and we knew we weren’t alone. we ordered a beer and a rum and coke (plus a beer for our delivery boy, which was mistake #1) and began the spectacle.
it very quickly became clear to us that these women were (probably) drugged into performing some most unsavory physical feats.
we got up to leave and requested our check only to find that we had been charged not the agrered upon 300 baht for our 3 drinks, but 3,300 baht for 3 drinks and the fine print fee for ‘sexy show.’ we laughed and refused to pay the bill, graciously offering the 300 baht we had rightfully negotiated up front (3 times).
this is when Mama-San stepped in and began screaming – not raising her voice, but SCREAMING – ‘you no pay? you no pay for sexy show?’
push literally came to shove (hard shove for Pat and an arm block for me), and physical force into the corner of the bar. by this point the Europeans had left and we realized we were all alone. not a comforting realization.
we placed the 300B on the bar and started to walk past her when she took us by total surprise and shoved us again with her bear-claw. we immediately stepped up, got in her face and told her forcefully but calmly never to touch us, and that we still refused to pay her bully fee. this was when we moved into round 2 of the ‘shake down’ show where she threatened to call the thai mafia on us, and i threatened to get the police. she picked up her cell phone. we stood our ground for a few more minutes, raising a big scene just as a group of newcomers entered the space.
the moment they entered the room, mama-san completely switched gears and went over to greet them and lure them in. we used this as our opportunity to quickly escape - on the way out, letting the new group know to avoid this bar at all costs.
the battle was over, but oat had to let some more steam off, so we walked around for a while before heading back to the hotel.
when we arrived at our hotel room we met Amrat who had been sitting on the side of the bed in low-lit silence since Maddi had gone to sleep. she gave us the report that she and Maddi played until Maddi was ready to watch a TV show and ultimately go to sleep. Amrat left a small side light on near the bed, but it kept Maddi awake, so Amrat ultimately turned off all the lights and sat in the dark until Mad fell asleep. what a great babysitter – and all for $30!
the next morning when Mad woke up she said that she had a blast and really wanted to have another play-night with her new friend, Omlette.
day three -– the day of appreciating human achievement
boat travel | temple exploration | 3D IMAX extravaganza
we finally arrived at our first temple stop – the Grand Palace which harbors the famed emerald buddha.
It was crowded with loud sweaty tourists and the heat was unbearable. we had to wait in line to borrow sarongs, pants and shawls (temple entrance requires covered legs and shoulders). afterward we walked across the street to a delicious-looking thai cafe, and ate the best Thai food we’ve ever had.
next, we decided to take the boat across the river to Wat Arun, another famed temple assembled with broken ceramic and glass pieces. we explored the grounds, in total appreciation that Thailand still allows you to touch / climb on the temples (like cambodia, unlike the yucatan).
after Wat Arun we decided to go home and take a nap. when we woke we decided to go to the Paragon Mall’s movie theater, which we had passed on Sky Train. we looked up movie times online but had some trouble pre-purchasing tickets for the IMAX (knowing that if it was anything like America we would need to buy tickets in advance and extra early to get decent seats).
we decided to chance it, and found ourselves in the most overwhelmingly awesome movie theater we had ever stepped foot in. we not only bought IMAX tickets on the spot for that same night, but we got to choose which seats we wanted to pre-reserve in order to avoid lines and having to arrive early. an extravagantly wonderful movie-going experience!
we had dinner in the Paragon mall food court – yummy but not as yummy as MBK. as soon as we were finished we made our way back to the theater to gather our 3D glasses and see ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ – do yourself a favor and see this movie! so fun!
day four -- the day on a dime
local bus ride | floating market | chinatown street food
we decided not to take our hotel concierge’s advice for how to experience the damnoen saduak Floating Market for two reasons: 1- we always try to avoid guided tours and 2- he quoted the trip at 1800B per person (or roughly $115 US).
in typical kohlhagen fashion, we decided to DIY it. we did some research ourselves and found that there was an incredibly simple, safe way to get to the market on our own -- by local bus. we found the bus station address and set off on our adventure.
after an hour of miscommuncation and literally getting lost in translation, we finally found a young taxi driver who knew the location of the new bus station and would take us there for 150B. 15 minutes later we arrived at the bus station and were led by 2 generous women who showed us which bus to get on and how to pay. for under USD$6 total, all 3 of us took the 2-hour ride southwest of Bangkok to Damnoen Saduak floating market.
as soon as we got off the bus, we got on a banana boat with a guy (wearing a beatles t-shirt, which Maddi pointed out) who agreed to take us around the market for 1 hour. an hour later, after many fantastic encounters, views and photo opps + one wild boat ride, we arrived back at the bus station to return to bangkok.
we were so glad we went when we did -- by the time we left, the entire market had been overrun by tourists, and the majority of goods being sold were overpriced souvenirs (though there were some authentic thai fruits, vegetables, and goods being sold throughout).
we spent the afternoon resting and relaxing, preparing ourselves for a night of feasting on (what we had been told was) bangkok’s best street food.
chinatown’s reputation didn’t disappoint!
for USD$5 we got 3 entrees, 2 bacardi breezers and 1 beer. pat finally got his long-coveted duck soup – did I mention his love of the Marx Bros? it was an outrageously special + delicious experience.
day five -- the day to trip
down the rabbit hole with ‘alice in wonderland’ | the not-so-sleeper train
this was the day for us to check out of bangkok and kill 7 hours while we waited for our train to chiang mai (a 14-hour ride north through the countryside). what better place to kill 7 hours than Paragon Mall, and the glorious movie theater? we spent the afternoon wandering around and shopping, and bought tickets to see ‘alice in wonderland’ by tim burton. this time we were not in the IMAX, so we got to experience a whole new level of movie-going in a theater built for kings. each seat had leather padding and recliners. the back of the theater was designated for the love-seats (which you could reserve for a slightly higher, but very reasonable price). another fantastic movie experience, although we were a littler disappointed in the movie itself.
the time finally came for us to return to our hotel, collect our bags and make off to the train station. when we arrived, we found our terminal and waited for our train to arrive. at first there was confusion as to which car we were in, but we soon found ourselves in seats 1 & 2 of car 3, settled in and playing i-spy.
we ordered dinner, breakfast and beverages and picked at the food provided. finally the train attendent came by to convert our seats into 2 beds – 1 upper bunk and 1 lower. we got drunk off of smirnoff ice and let maddi watch some of scooby-doo on her little portable dvd player while we had a date on the lower bunk. maddi and i fell asleep early and pat retired to the top bunk to be joggled around for the remaining 12 hours of the ride. mad and i slept soundly and comfortably below while pat lay wide-eyed and shivering in his amply-lit coffin of a bed.
the next morning we awoke to a curious conversation between 2 aussi bros. we couldn’t make out all the words, but we did catch ‘passed out’ ‘sick’ and ‘whiskey’. 2 hours later the train attendant made his rounds to convert the beds back to chairs, and we discovered that our aussie bro neighbors had completely covered their beds in what was now crusty-dried vomit, which he had spewed the night before and slept in.
despite the vomiting, the bad food and tin-can beds, we would highly recommend train travel to anyone wanting to explore beyond bangkok. for $50USD total we got to experience a once in a lifetime adventure through the mountains and countryside, and embark on a completely exciting journey to a new world. our only advice is to bring your own food and maybe a good book…
