#2023 - this year has brought so much growth- so much expanse-
such a wide and hearty new ring within our family tree 🌱🌀🌳💗🎠 we went out on new limbs, scrambled to new heights, writhed out of skin grown much too tight 🐍🐛♻️🦋 like seeds, we burst- we trust- we become even more *us*
trusting and flowing with life, we remember we are free—
we discover how miracles are made

resolutions ? perhaps… but more importantly, reflection. rumination. integration. vision casting. part analyst, part oracle. dreaming and scheming. feeling the shape of the future. sensing what life yearns to create through us- what we yearn to give life to. there are so many things i uncover when i look closely in the rearview mirror of a year. wisdom, understanding, revelation gleaned in the passing of time.

i follow the rainbows. guided by a voice inside ///
visions, omens, decrees— led to a new life at the edge of the sea.
“I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream.”
i envisioned this life so many times.
it felt like some far-off future, always in the back of my mind,
Here I am, living it in real time. 😭🙏🌈🌺🌊🐚🔥

we packed our entire lives into a 26-foot cube and set off for our next grand adventure! (moving overseas is nooo joke – phew!)
we hug our loved ones tight. thank you thank you thank you !! to my beloved aunt and uncle, to my darling cousins, to my grandpa- monarch and patriarch of the family.
to all who made it possible for us to be here these last few years…
our gratitude runs so deep. our love, even deeper.

the islands are calling and i must go 🌈 🌊🌋🌺🌴🐚🐬🥥❤️‍🔥 big change is happening, y’all! after three years of hermiting & healing in southwest missouri 🧙🌿🏡👣🐍 (aka living in a log cabin deep in the heart of an oak forest wildflower meadow/ gardening, homesteading, wildschooling/)
we’re packing up our lives and moving across the sea to HAWAII ☀️🌈🕊🏝

last night I dreamt my car was leaking fuel #symbolism >>i have life-changing news!!!! but first, the preface<< i rise in the dark of an early winter morning. the dawn is electric with impending change. like the air before a midwestern thunderstorm -- you know something’s coming. the entire atmosphere has shifted, but you can’t see it yet with your eyes. (my intuition usually knows what’s up.)

this morning i woke up by the ocean. on a tiny dot of an island, far out in the very center of the pacific. 🌊🌊🏝🌊🌊 molokai. i rejoice in where i’ve landed. wild untamed alive / a home with a king bed that feels like a cloud / a drawer full of organic spices / a laundry line on the screened porch where our clothes can blow in the ocean breeze and dry themselves in the warm sun. 🌞🌴🌺🛏🌶🧺

this is our tenth year homeschooling (!!). wowow, a whole decade.
somehow it feels huge and fleeting at the same time. bittersweet, as with all things parenthood. even after all these years, i * marvel * at all the ways in which homeschool fills our cups + sets us free. free to live joyfully, openly, magically in alignment with our deepest values and soul callings. free to radiate that aliveness out into the world. healing, wholling, revolutionary.

happy sixteenth birthday to my nature loving, storytelling, poetry weaving, mountain climbing, wave riding, french speaking, film directing, solo traveling, water healing, golden haired and golden hearted, ever sun-kissed, dolphin-spirited daughter anna madrid 🌈🐬🌊🧜🏼‍♀️👑🐚🦋wise so far beyond her years. yet silly, uninhibited and so very playful :: she who DJ’s every gathering because of her incredible taste in music ::

life these days: waking at dawn and facing east, tending this little cottage in the forest, caring for chickens, stewarding bees, reading books aloud to my loves, teaching the teenager to drive and build a website, teaching the 9-year old to use power tools and haul water, farm chores until we’re stiff and dirty and hungry, dirty fingernails in garden soil, fresh picked salad (gosh, sooo much salad) and berries and vegetables, picnics, growing herbs for medicine,

ode to the moon in taurus. i believe in creating a home environment that supports the life i wish to live. magical, earthy, grounding, nourishing. our environment is an extension of our energy field. influencing // being influenced by our thoughts, feelings, words… the energies that flow through day by day. i harmonize my home. it tunes me back. physically, mentally, emotionally.

loving to read = constant learning + growing // the ability to expand your mind + life // discovering new sides of yourself // teaching yourself anything ⚡️🔭🪁💡🧩🐛🦋📖🔬🧠🕸🤹🗝 books have *literally* changed my life over and over and over again. and i wanted to share some of my biggest change-makers. hallelujah for the written word!! 🙌 and enormous gratitude for being a modern human, with the sum total of all human knowledge at our fingertips 📖📱

beauty = nourishment = medicine = healing = magic 🌸🌿🍄🌱🌼
i’ve trusted the plants with my life and they’ve walked me all the way home to myself. revealing a world full of shimmering gifts + tools scattered at our feet. 🌈🍀🍄🧚‍♀️🦋🌿🧩👣🔥⚡️🎨🗝 this is not a metaphor! the world is alive and speaking to us. (mckenna) our only role is to be * o p e n * and present. we have the power to change our perception + consciousness at will (real life magic ⚡️)

“you hold the spade to turn new soil. for the coming grace you hold the plans.” -- ayla nereo 🌈🌿👩🏻‍🌾🐝🌸🦠✊♻️🐛🧬🗝
a lil earth mama in her garden bliss. turning compost / churning change ♻️💚 making wishes she had no idea would become so true (or so trying). this last year has stripped me of all the old, stale, decaying parts of myself and chucked them into a giant compost heap to decompose and be regrown.

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?” { rumi } i once read a meme that said “measure your growth by how you see others.” everything and everyone in life that triggers us is a sacred mirror. >> gaze deeply. everything that upsets us about others can lead us to a greater understanding of ourselves, if we choose it. i’ve been hurt in my life.there have been times when others have caused me great pain. i sit in it. it feels like suffering.

a direct transmission from my work with amanita muscaria. profound, life-changing, radical. never the same. i stand beneath a cliff-face upon which every dream of my life is strewn. i reach up to touch them but i fall short. they’re * just * beyond my reach. if only i were a few inches taller. if only i could stretch myself a tiny distance more. i try and try and try but nothing changes.

home is where the heart is open ✨🌲🏡🌳✨ guys! last weekend we moved to southern missouri. it was a spontaneous leap. we decided on a thursday and drove our essentials down two days later. we moved into a darling cabin deep in an oak forest, atop a hill overlooking the meadow, on the land where i was born.

"i am learning how to become a flower. how to remember my body. how to commit to her regeneration. how to reassemble these bones into starshine." // dominique christina ashaheed //
this is my story of 2019.
it's a love story about a woman and her body, and the openness, freedom & beauty that bloomed from the very seed of her being when she gave herself over completely to it, letting it lead her entire life.

in may we were invited to present a new program for work in july in tallinn, estonia (airfare included!) so of course we leapt at the idea, and made sure to book free, extra long layovers in liverpool on the front end, and dublin on the back end #promove
mama used her super-vision powers to plan an iNcReDiBle trip to the holy lands of our ancestors — england + ireland, and daddy channeled his road warrior studness to drive us all around europe, on the opposite side of the road.

pat attends his 10-day vipassana retreat -- a light warrior doing battle on the front lines of his own self mastery. changing our lives from the inside out. it’s huge in a way i don’t have words for. monumental invisible change. i can feel his energy weaving with mine, even as we’re apart. lifting, rising, brightening. luminous love. he returns and i’m drawn to him like a magnet - can’t get enough.

last night i dreamed of myself meditating. eyes closed. immersed in a transmission of tantra. a livestream of the soul, playing behind my eyes as a vision, and within my energy field as an instrument. tantra = embodied meditation. a weaving of oneself into the fabric of the experience. merging, embracing, integrating all aspects of life, from the darkest to the lightest. accepting all, denying none.

wandervision// mystical quest-taking
what do you do when you’re given clear divine instruction?
in june i was told in meditation that i needed to travel into the desert for 40 days- crystal clarity. regardless of time, money, or circumstance… when you receive messages like this, the only reasonable choice is to heed them. and so began my 31st revolution around this life-giving star. #happybirthdaytome

“if you want a teacher, try a waterfall, or a mushroom, or a mountain wilderness, or a storm pounded seashore.” { terence mckenna } it’s sexy to seek transformation in faraway places. novelty is medicine, to be sure. i’ve trekked through jungles, screamed beneath the pounding pressure of waterfalls, kept my cubs warm with mere body heat while camping in a colorado mountain blizzard

life feels like waking up in a lucid dream. reality vibrant and clear, my periphery expanding to include so much more, an instinctual awakening to a deep felt sense of absolute interconnectedness // inseparability from all beings (animate and inaminate).
truth:: there is an incredible power of benevolence flowing ceaselessly, magically all around us. orchestrating timing, signs, messages, attunements. waking us up in the dream.

i prayed for miracles/ followed the magic. swept into my greatest dreams, riding in on divine light beams. we travel 36 hours to the other side of the planet and land in bali. where up is down and dark is light. where it snows flowers instead of ice on rooftops.
where the rooster crows at dawn over the rice fields, and i hear him through the wide-open bedroom windows that have no screen. we’ve come to live here for as long as it makes sense.

what medicine does your heart yearn for? give me the mountains. my husband and i leave our children behind in the loving arms of tag-teaming grandparents (#blessed) and embark on a pilgrimage to the top of the world: hiking the alps. big #mountainmedicine we set out to hike the tmb :: a 10-day, 100-mile trail that circles the mont blanc massif through france, italy and switzerland, with 8,500 feet of elevation gain / loss.

july is here. high summer steeped in warm golden sunlight, the bioluminescent glow of fireflies in the meadow at dusk, and the sweet serenade of cicadas // moisture in the air. my rainbow sunbeam daughter’s birth month. (big things happen to me in july) monumental change, monarch metamorphosis, buds bursting into bloom. this year holds a juxtaposition of feeling:: rejoicing in what is! my children are bright deep wise visionary. so many things i’ve done really, really well as their mama

:/:/coyotes, mushrooms + sacred waters::// 🌊🍄🐺🏔🌲🪐🌀🛐
we take a pilgrimage to the sparkling waters of lake tahoe to celebrate my 30th birthday + solar return. the wild calls us home to ourselves. fills and lifts us from the inside out. where do you go to feel deeply connected? to feel spirited/ alive? attunement is a magical, powerful thing. i meditate on the lakeshore until the sun goes down on my 29th year.

heart to head >>> where you are is exactly where you need to be. life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. how do you know this is the experience you need? because it’s the experience you are having. my conceptualization of “divine timing” transforms into intuitive, embodied knowing.

this morning i was asked a question that i couldn’t resist thinking deeply on. “what unconscious conditions do you feel need to be met in order for you to manifest your healthy qualities (highly principled, humane, gracefully balanced)? what in you is preventing you from being at your best place right now?” { enneagram type 1 prompt -- i’m a recovering perfectionist }